I just saw a hot homeless man
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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