it's too hot outside to masturbate.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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