I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
