u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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