so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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