You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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