You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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