I heard we made out
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
