I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
