Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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