I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
