First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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