If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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