Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
