i need an iv and a liver transplant
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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