never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
