what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i will never coherently bang her
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
