i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
