I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
