god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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