You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
