I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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