Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
