On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
