Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize