So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
