you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
