he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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