Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Randomize
