she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
