I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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