last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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