Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
