so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Non-Jews are for practice
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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