Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
