that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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