When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
