Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
