My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
