We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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