He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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