She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
