I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
