Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
