We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
