Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize