So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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