she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize