Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
