I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
