You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
