don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
