If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize