piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am naked and annoyed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
