Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
