i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude i'm inner monologue high
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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