so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
