$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
