I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize