hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
