Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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