I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
