Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
